She'll Be Here Soon

So everyone has heard me complain for the last 9 months about how uncomfortable I am, and how much I can't wait to be done with this pregnancy!! Well, the end is near... very near! I went to my doctors appointment on Friday and as much as I wanted to hear that I had progressed and that baby would be here soon, I wasn't expecting to hear that so I just went in expecting to walk back out and schedule another appointment. That isn't what happened though. The doctor I saw was very cool and thought since I had been dilated to 4cm for almost 2 weeks he would help make this baby come a little faster. Well, turns out I was almost dilated to 5cm. For those of you who might not understand that... most people at 5cm are in active labor. Being that I was that far along the doctor decided it would be best I come up to Rochester for the weekend and stay with family because he thought I would go into labor over the weekend, and if I didn't go into labor on my own this weekend, he set up an appointment for me to be induced on Monday morning. That means she'll be here soon!!! :o)

That being said.... I got a little nervous. Not about labor but because for 9 months I feel like I have been living in a dream. Yes I felt pregnant, and I looked pregnant but nothing ever seemed real. It seems to good to be true. In just a few short days I am going to meet my daughter. It is scary... now I will be responsible for 2 children. WOW... I never thought I would be a mother of 2 children. It has always been just Aiden. I am so worried I am not going to be able to give him the attention he needs or has always had. I have found myself telling him hour after hour this weekend that I love him because I don't want him to forget. I don't want him to think that just because baby is coming that he doesn't matter anymore. Every night before we go to bed I remind him that if he wakes up and mommy isn't there that I had to go to the doctor, but I will be back. He just says, "ok" and goes to sleep. He truly acts like he understands, and I think he does to a certain extent, but with all the running around we have been doing and staying and different peoples houses, I just want to make sure he knows mommy didn't leave him and I will be back.

It is all just so stressful. I keep thinking "God, if only Gary were here." It just seems like it would be so much easier... wait, I know it would be easier. Life alone would be so much easier. I can't wait for the next year to be over so that we can have our family back again. It is going on 6 days since I have heard his voice. I don't think I have ever gone 6 days without hearing his voice. I get so scared I am going to forget the way he sounds, the way he smells, even the way he looks. Those are things we always think we will have, but we often take for granted. I used to get so mad at Gary because he would sit there and stare at me for no reason... (I hate it when people stare at me) Now I think back to those times and I wish I would have just kept my mouth shut and stared back and memorized every part of him. Now all I have is a blurry web cam to see him and pictures and even though I appreciate those things, they will never replace having him here in person!

I suppose I should go now though. The next post will be "Welcome Home Hailey Grace" so stay tuned!! :o)